Hacked ASIO Blueprints for sale on E-Bay and Weibo Websites for US$19.95 + postage and handling! Other News: Funding for Gonski and NDIS finalised! And... Why No One Likes Bill Shorten Much

Today's Headlines:

• The Small 'Enemy Combatant' Female Asian Property Developer being investigated by ASIO, ASIS and Defence Signals Directorate said today that she hacked into the ASIO database using a very tiny machete... & that Bill Shorten told her to do it; and that she did so because he was "...so scary and mean. I just don't like him!" She said, and then ran off, skipping. ASIO noted that they were baffled.

Photo of Enemy Combatant at large:

• Leaked Documents from the Australian Prime Minister to the Treasurer note that the National Disability Insurance Scheme will be funded by a tax on School Children, and that the Gonski Education Reforms will be funded by a tax on Disabled People at University. Developmental Funding Grants to Gina Reinhart will be funded by a new tax on people with dementia using her ATMs.