you have this life, have various thoughts and concerns and you have some children and they grow and you kind of hang on to them through hoping they will be ok although you have no control of that; all you had control of were a certain few years and some of that time you did well and other times not and then you get to the end of that, and you look about the place, sometimes in the day or in the night and most things are alright. most of the challenges you faced already, and in some you did yourself proud, and in others, not so, but it is alright. you proceed into the day without ambition, and you wonder what happened to ambition. it was important once, but that importance has gone. i spent a lot of the time just practicing writing, so I have still some things to complete because of that drive, but I don't have that drive now. i expect that through this process I began by choice when i was 12, the remaining books i write will be quite good, i guess...they will be good for me.