Bicycle Chain Maintenance for those who enjoy a mild Obsessive Compulsive Syndrome on a Sunny Afternoon, the syndrome being caused by some fuckwit not smoking for 3 months. Yeah, that's that was great fucking advice. 1: Two days before, wash down the bicycles with water from a hose. 2: Leave the bicycles in the afternoon sunshine. 3. One day before, spray WD40 onto the chains and sprockets. (WD40 has limited application but what it does do well is replace the grime for a day or two) 4: On the day, Wash the bicycles down again. 5: Draw up 3 mls of fresh engine oil in a good 5 ml syringe with a 19 gauge drawing up needle. (You need 3mls for each bike chain) 6: Take off the drawing up needle. 7: Apply the engine oil to the chains, drop by drop. You don't need to worry about the sprockets because the oil will find them. 8: Leave bikes in the sun for a few hours. You should not get 1 drop of oil dropping from the chains this way, so it is very economical and environmentally sound and you don't have to spend $30 buying aerosol hydrocarbon chain lubricant from an Enthusiast's bike shop...which only lasts til the next rainfall anyway, or for as long as it takes some bastard wearing lycra to shave their legs in front of a mirror. If you don't have any spare fresh engine oil around the place then 9mls of injectable clonazepam, or clozapine, will do as they have an oily base. Be sure to return the drawing up needle and syringe to your local hospital for immediate re-use.