We have next Tuesday off together, the 3 of us, so that's such a lovely rare thing, happens once or twice a year. The plan for next Tuesday sounds like a good Van Morrison song. 'We'll get up at ten and scratch about, eat something or not, and then climb into the truck and drive 2 hours past the cold city along the Great Ocean Road, and stop for awhile along the beaches and bluffs there where the sea wind comes in all the way from Antarctica, and look about on the shores for nothing in particular, but just to look, have a smoke, and tie our scarves a bit tighter to warm. I will enjoy the driving and the girls will enjoy the views from up high in the Navara. Then we'll find that pie shop in that lost but for memory seaside town and we'll have a small feast of scallop pies, then, with sighs, and some warm coffee, we'll slowly turn about and come driving towards home and go to the Sichuan Restaurant in Box Hill for tea. That's a good day off. Wouldn't it be great if life was like that all the time?'

Night Watch Poem 2018

Night Watch 2018.

He hung out the clothes on the front line, 

& went for a brief walk around the cold dark block.

Coming back, the only way to the front door 

was through the

​translucent ​

washing.

He could see, between the clothes, the simple lights inside the house.

Lights, colours, movement, in the soft palette of a breeze 

held together by

​small wooden ​

pegs.

How easily we are

​made so​

beautiful.

Of the less-cost after shaves I think Tabac is the best. Of the most-cost after shaves Givenchy Gentleman is my favourite. Like Tabac it has that soft background hue of cigar smoke and full ashtrays, and sweat, and in addition, up front is the smell of dirty socks, burnt carpet, kapok rotted by red wine, and the faint redolence of stale semen. Much like an old man's hostel. It amazes me how those French folk got it so right. Olfactory Artistes of the Highest Order.

notes from palliative care book, regarding the narcotics... in the absence of heroin, morphine remains the gold standard for pain relief in terminal illness. Codeine is useless and is a bad drug. Oxycodone is very problematic and far less than effective in pain control than morphine in the terminal phase. Hydromorphone is ok, but you should add some methadone to make it more comprehensive. Fentanyl is ok if you like to see happy hairless rabbits in your room...but as time goes by, the rabbits can change into really awful things. Stick with morphine. First choice. Add some midazolam, a tad of haloperidol, a concomitant subset load of methadone for the bones, and you'll be right as rain. If you need far more than 600mg morphine subcut a day, with the additions of methadone, midaz, and haloperidol, then you may need to flush the body IV for a day and start again as the morphine metabolites, in a dying body, tend to eat each other when the concentrations get too much. have a day off, flush the body IV, then come back next day with 300mg morphine, subcut, 5 haloperidol, 30 midaz, 40 methadone...and then titrate up to the need. You can still be sitting in bed doing your crosswords, but you just won't be in massive pain. the human condition...Its not rocket science. if you haven't got good pain control within 3 days, then the people caring for you really don't care, or don't know what they are doing. You could need up to a gram of morphine a day, plus the other stuff, but usually only if you have let the oncologists and surgeons have done too much harm to your receptors by pointless, heroic (for you) and simply cruel interventions.

No one has ever not died, so it is best to be practical about euthanasia...which simply means having a trump card in the pack dealt...and playing it when you choose to. I don't see it as a right or as a moral thing. It's just a human thing. A day or two afterwards, no one cares anyway. Its up to you. No one has never not died. It is as natural as taking a breath, or not taking a breath for 3 minutes.

girls

Once I was infatuated with this beautiful lady who had a bit of OCD in that she had the cereal boxes in the cupboard lined up in alphabetical order and knew the weight of each box so, when her son came by, she could tell by how he replaced the cereal container which one he had used and by lifting the box could tell how much he ate on a gram level.
I thought, wow, baby, if you and I get together, we could destroy the world.

Doing laundry and just watched a show on TV about young men needing to improve their etiquette to "Maximise Their Personal Brand" in social and interpersonal situations. What? Yes. "Hi, my name is John and I'm a good guy, terms and conditions apply, past performance is not an indicator of future performance; and can I get a drink?.. & you are advised to seek professional advice regarding the overall cost of this exchange..and, as a product, I may contain traces of nuts."