I have to admit that I've noticed over 30 years that, in general, end of life events seem to be, when it comes to belief systems, like this...
Those people at end of life who are profound believers in very regulated Christian morality systems often have an awful time of pain and misery, but their families seem okay.
Devout Buddhists seem to be okay, but their families, if not devout, suffer a lot because often the death is quite awful, visually, symptomatically.
Muslims seem to do okay.
Atheists seem to have the easiest, most relaxed exits. They also seem the most forgiving of others and of the flawed system of health itself.
That's what I have found over 30 years.
In general, people die as they have lived, or as they have faced other problems in life, and families behave exactly as they have dealing with other life problems... they discuss, they come together, they fall apart, they break up, they find purpose, they grow closer or they never see each other again...in this way Death is a potent form of re-arranging reality for all involved, forever.
Sometimes really good people have atrocious deaths and sometimes terrible people on every level, die with grace and a rare kind of acceptance that they have never shown in other aspects of their whole lives.
We shouldn't see the Exit time as the culmination of life...it is really rather just a short period of time in which a range of things can happen. Life looks linear, from birth to death, but human reality is a bit different to that. By time of death the great and important times have been well lived by this time, even if no one wants that to be the truth; and what palliative care does, because of its remarkable precision in this brief period, is to make things easy, cover symptoms and pain and distress quite effectively.
Life is full of things that go right and go wrong and death is much the same, really. The line from Clint Eastwood in "The Unforgiven" ...that 'Deservin' ain't got nothing to do with it'...is actually realistic when it comes to how people die. Fortunately, death doesn't take very long at all.
After 30 years of it I think it's the most normal thing in the world. Palliative Care Nurses are simply the Midwives at the other end of exactly the same journey. Midwifery is a science and an art, as is Palliative Care Nursing to the same extent of skill and specialty.
Saturday, 8 June 2013
Friday, 7 June 2013
The earliest poem in the Blonde Sand collection...wayback in 1968 when I was, well, kind of younger in some ways, but older in other ways
Until all the etceteras
you are living alone this year
years are different
you are no longer silent when alone
alone is different
the years show life
to be peculiar
in learning of
age
love
wisdom
fault
strength
danger
guilt
etc
until all the etceteras form a neat line
on your way out
having had a gutful
of etceteras
you may notice
the simple play
of light on water
the harbours of it
the accident of it
and hold it
in your memory
as for a time
it will hold you
within its personal reflection
when time is different
when faces have changed
when
memories are held in the white mind
like ships in sand
with their treasure
and their slick intact.
John Fitzpatrick. 15 years old.
you are living alone this year
years are different
you are no longer silent when alone
alone is different
the years show life
to be peculiar
in learning of
age
love
wisdom
fault
strength
danger
guilt
etc
until all the etceteras form a neat line
on your way out
having had a gutful
of etceteras
you may notice
the simple play
of light on water
the harbours of it
the accident of it
and hold it
in your memory
as for a time
it will hold you
within its personal reflection
when time is different
when faces have changed
when
memories are held in the white mind
like ships in sand
with their treasure
and their slick intact.
John Fitzpatrick. 15 years old.
A good big creative open-minded and curious John Fitzpatrick Day. Thankyou Krishna.... & Thankyou Bob. The Healing Game for PTSD does include the fine print that you do actually have to accept madness, even if to a lesser degree than many people we have loved and even elect as leaders. I'm still a stranger in this world, but, when I look at it, and looking around, I really don't mind that reality so much . It's all new to me.
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