Talking with patient, a brilliant OCD eye surgeon who tried to commit Japanese ritual suicide, with a big sword, although he was born in Sydney. He failed. I said 'well, Seppuku, is, like the many severe arts of Shinto Nippon, a true art where the self is forgotten, obliterated by real pain' . 'The driving meaning of seppuku is that the death should be much more thought about and more ritualised, and mistake-proofed, than the whole life. It must be much more painful and much more horrific than anything ever experienced in life, or otherwise, the death serves no purpose in terms of the quite honourable value system. it must be excruciatingly painful, and it must take a fairly long time, to have meaning. 'If you fail at Seppuku, it is probably because you are some Westerner who, by failing Seppuku death, achieves a normal life afterwards. It is a personal trial. 'To fail at Sepukku is quite honourable, in the way we see life. To succeed at Sepukku, well, if we did that, we would all be up there with the True Saints of Shinto. This is why we need to honour them, rather than seek to impersonate them. 'One of the most important things with ritual Sepukku, is to make absolutely sure, that whilst you are disembowelling yourself causing you horrific pain, with one hand guiding the bright sword, the other hand must be useful to you in covering up your body with a blanket or mat so that you do not traumatise the person who must find you. This is simple human respect. We are not here to traumatise those we leave behind. Seppuku is not for everyone. To fail at Seppuku is basically good for us. Imagine just how evil it is for buddhists monks to set fire to themselves in a public spectacle...I mean, just all the poor people who must see it...witness it...traumatised for the rest of their lives...and the poor bastards who have to clean it all up and wash down the street afterwards...paid less than minimal wages to have to do that...where is the human self-respect in that kind of death? Where is the human respect for others in that? I'm not into buddhism at all, you know, but I do respect Seppuku, and I do respect Shinto...it's just not for everyone...but I still know what it is and what it means...and I respect that. I respect our human condition. Of course, it's all too much sometimes to bear. It always has been. Lesson from Old Pain Control Palliation and Mental Health Nurse John Katana Fitz.